So I said to him, I said, I can’t work no ruddy faster.
And he said, all hoity cos he’s the gaffer, he said, you’ll work as fast as I say.
So I said to him, cos I weren’t having that, I said, they’re building another church down the road, I’ll go work on that.
And he said, all red in the face, he said, you walk off this job and I’ll make sure you’ll never work again.
Well, I’d had enough of him. So I said, you can take your threats and stuff them up your anus.
And he said…well, you can see what he said by what he’s had done to me. Stuck here as a ruddy gargoyle for ever more.
St Andrews Church at Kirby Bedon, Norfolk
crispina kemp 
That was a hoot to read. Great imagination, my friend.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. It amazes me that on one hand I write mega fiction, 150k-200k words, and yet can reduce a story down to this
LikeLiked by 1 person
I remember you saying you’d not be able to and have since, rather decidedly, have proven yourself wrong.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I remember the occasion. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike
Hilarious
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Sadje. Enjoyed writing it 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
This makes me smile.
LikeLike
What a fun tale, love it 🙂
LikeLike
Thought you might be interested in this little snippet from the Churches Conservation Trust, Grotesques, are fascinating features that can be found on many a church. However, they often get mistaken for being gargoyles. So how do we distinguish grotesques from gargoyles?
A fun way to distinguish them is to remember that gargoyles gargle. They are essentially carved waterspouts that are carved to divert and carry water away from the walls of the church. More about gargoyles another time though and let’s get back to grotesques.
The term grotesque is linked with the Romans. During the Italian Renaissance, archaeological excavations of Roman sites unearthed underground chambers decorated with paintings of mythical creatures and beasts. The Italians called these chambers ‘grotte’ meaning cave, and the decoration ‘grottesca’ meaning cave painting. From this, we eventually got the English noun grotesque by 1561.
Grotesques come in all shapes, forms, and locations in churches. We can find them decorating towers or as corbels on the walls of a nave. Sometimes we find them depicting mythical beasts and other times holy figures.
Some fantastic early grotesques can be found in Norman churches. The first church we rescued, St Peter’s, Edlington has some great Norman examples of animals and beasts.
Both gargoyles and grotesques have been said to have the ability to ward off evil spirits. But it is important to remember that these stone carvings taught the population biblical stories, preached Catholic doctrine, and served as tools in some instances to scare people, revealing to them what might await them if they lived a sinful life.
📸 St Nicholas, Normanton by Sue and Peter Gregory
LikeLike
Yeah, gotta learn when to shut yer trap or be gargoylified. Love it 🙂
LikeLike